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Wednesday, 23 December 2020 12:00

Mr Grumpy: how to kill a computer

Written by  Bob Campbell
Bob Campbell Bob Campbell

I have killed four computers by drenching them with wine.


I taste wine at my desk, typing my notes directily into a laptop. I killed the first computer with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. The second computer died after being doused with a generous amount of Malbec.

I purchased a remote keyboard and mouse and put my laptop on a stand. Problem solved, or so I thought. The next computer died when a frisky bottle of sparkling wine shot half its contents over the remote keyboard into the arms of my laptop. My fourth computer met a similar fate. When opening fizz, I now point it toward a rubbish bin. One computer was able to be fixed by replacing the keyboard (it was still under warranty).

I have learned to react quickly when wine meets electronics:

  • Unplug the computer.
  • Remove battery from laptop.
  • Hold the laptop keyboard facing down above a sink and squirt water up into it.

It is not the liquid that does the harm, it is the residue that is left when the wine dries out. Vintage port is apparently more harmful to computers than Prosecco.