It's all I want for Christmas

Both Mrs. D and the very nice media lady from Ateco said I’d been a good boy in 2023, so they let me drive a Maserati Grecale Trofeo SUV for a week. I was wondering if you could bring me one just the same for the big day, then we could probably come to a deal where you could borrow it for a short while each year to get your job done.

Let me explain the benefits.

The powerplant is a V6, 3 litre and twin turbo unit, pushing out 520hp with a 0-100km sprint time of only about 3.5 seconds. This means there is a lot more horse or reindeer power than Rudolph and his mates.

The transmission is a ZF eight speed set up that genuinely offers seamless changes. This will allow you to burble along slowly as you drop prezzies down the chimneys or nail it between towns and cities.

A further bonus is the all-wheel drive system means you’re not going to get stuck on your route if there’s mud, gravel or – heaven forbid – snow on the ground.

The transmission can get through the 8 cogs quickly, particularly in the Corsa drive mode. However, the GT mode might be a better choice at night, as it tones down a glorious exhaust and reduces the dangers of waking the little ones too early on the big day.

If Mrs C. is putting in a few hours over the busy period, she’ll probably prefer the more subdued Comfort mode, which at the same time will give your ears a rest from being told, “You’re driving too fast.”

In the cockpit, she’ll also appreciate the metres of supple leather— no reindeer skins used here. With its intricate stitching, alongside outstanding adjustable lateral support bolsters, means you can get a move on as daylight on the 25th arrives. Of course, as you’d expect from a large SUV, the Grecale offers a voluminous 570 litres of boot space for a huge load of parcels.

Ahead of the driver’s seat, four screens keep you up to date with how things are going in a multitude of preferred settings. Meanwhile, a simplistic approach is taken for the transmission, a push button selection of Park, Drive, Neutral or Reverse – should be able to sort things out if you overdo the tipples and mince pies while you’re doing the rounds.

Depending on how heavy your right foot is – and the drive mode chosen – fuel consumption tends to be 13 to 14 litres per 100km. This isn’t too bad compared to the food bills I see for Mrs D’s horses and the cost of getting rid of the ‘exhaust’ they also produce.

Best of all, the Grecale doesn’t follow the typical Italian route of bold or outrageous. Rather, it exudes the glorious curves of Sophie Loren, oozing class and subtlety. So, if you find yourself at a red light next to a bling-loaded rival, you will have hit the pedal and left them in your wake before they realise what you’re driving.

Anyway, fingers crossed. Don’t worry about wrapping it – just leave the keys on top of the driver’s side wheel!